Rochdale, revisited | The Spectator

Rochdale, revisited | The Spectator: "The answer is what I call the British Economic Dysfunction: that our growing economy sucks in people from overseas, rather than reducing dole queues. Unreformed welfare pays people not to work: and I blame the system, not those who follow its perverse incentives. Nor do I blame hardworking immigrants for filling these vacancies."

Pretty much spot on. Pulling in immigrants that pay less tax than the government spends, 11,000 pounds a year, is economic madness. If you pull in low paid immigrants, it just means that those on welfare stay on welfare.

That welfare adds up. 13K a year tax free in lots of cases, for what, 20, 30, 40 years rising with inflation? Half a million isn't unreasonable an estimate. That's a good sized lottery win.

Non Sequitur Comic Strip, September 02, 2010 on GoComics.com

Non Sequitur Comic Strip, September 02, 2010 on GoComics.com

Spot on. Sign up with Lord Blagger, and jump the queue at the Lobbyist entrance.

Expenses – Lords of the Blog

Expenses – Lords of the Blog: "There is of course no formal pay, no holiday or sick pay and no pension so don’t give up your day job if you are coming into the House of Lords!"

Clive Soley advises Lords to sign in, collect expenses and work at another job.

You pay for it.

NHS spunks �7.5k on porn room • The Register

NHS spunks �7.5k on porn room • The Register: "Liverpool Women's NHS Foundation Trust has incurred the wrath of the Sun by spunking �7,500 on a 'special room' kitted out to help chaps deliver vital supplies of man oysters.

The trust's fertility centre shared the cost of 'computer equipment worth �4,625, flat screen TVs costing �2,225 - plus �500 of blue movies' with private outfit North West Fertility."

That's where you cash is going. It's slipping through fingers, and not yours.

Google Reader (287)

Google Reader (287): "The first sleaze row of the new government deepened today when a millionaire Tory donor, who successfully lobbied for the cancellation of a government loan to a promising engineering company, admitted he had wanted to invest in it himself.

Labour accused Andrew Cook – the Tories' largest donor in Yorkshire, who subsidised David Cameron's flights in opposition to the tune of �54,000 – of a conflict of interest after he wrote to the Conservative business minister Mark Prisk in May to warn that an �80m state loan to Sheffield Forgemasters might be illegal under EU law."

Time to get politicians and civil servants out of the decision making process.

You can't bribe all the electorate all of the time.

The Lib Dem MP, the Radio 3 DJ and his dog - Telegraph

The Lib Dem MP, the Radio 3 DJ and his dog - Telegraph: "Tessa Munt, the MP for Wells claimed a single resident’s discount on her council tax, telling her local council she lived alone in her constituency home.

However, the electoral register shows that Mrs Munt is one of three people registered to vote at the Somerset address."

Yet another one on the take....

BBC News - Tory peer Lord Taylor facing expenses prosecution

BBC News - Tory peer Lord Taylor facing expenses prosecution: "Lord Taylor of Warwick has been charged with six counts of false accounting in relation to alleged dishonest claims he made for �11,000 in subsistence costs."

I'm not surprised. Any barister who thinks that its the police who decide to prosecute or not, instead of the CPS is likely to have a very odd view of expenses as well.

The mystery of Lord Mandelson's finances - Telegraph

The mystery of Lord Mandelson's finances - Telegraph: "The mystery of Lord Mandelson's finances"

There is no puzzle about the owner of the house: Lord Mandelson. There is no secret about its value: Land Registry records show that in 2006 he bought the place for £2.5 million, including stamp duty.

The mystery has always been how he could possibly have afforded it.

The price was around 16 times his then-income as a European Commissioner, a mortgage which, even in pre-credit crunch days, no lender would have contemplated.

Sources close to the then Mr Mandelson suggested at the time that he used a bequest from his late mother, Mary, and sold his shares in an advertising agency.

But probate files show he received only £452,000 from his mother's estate; a search at Companies House disclosed he sold the shares a year after buying the house; and Land Registry records of his previous property dealings in London and his former constituency of Hartlepool show that he could have amassed no more than around £1.15 million in equity to put towards the purchase.

Added together, all that would still have left Mr Mandelson at least £1 million short. He did take out a mortgage – reportedly for £750,000 – to cover most of the gap.

But in a 2009 interview he let slip that he had paid it off completely after just one year.

The normal place to look for politicians' earnings is the declarations of interests they are obliged, under the rules, to make.

Mr Mandelson's declarations list only modestly-paid work for newspapers and magazines, and a number of speaking engagements.

Quite. There is something grossly wrong where those resposible for the law ignore it, and people become multimillionaires at the public's expense.

BBC News - Mark Reckless MP sorry for being 'too drunk to vote'

BBC News - Mark Reckless MP sorry for being 'too drunk to vote': "A Kent MP has apologised for being drunk in the House of Commons and missing a vote on the Budget.

Mark Reckless said he did not feel it was appropriate to take part in the vote in the early hours of Wednesday because of the amount he had drunk.

The Conservative MP for Rochester and Strood told BBC Radio Kent: 'I made a mistake. I'm really sorry about it.'"


See what happens when you subsidise drinking. We should have penal rates on drinking in the house. It's the same logic that applies to drinkers of Diamond White.

MPs gain �130 expenses by talking until 1am - Telegraph

MPs gain �130 expenses by talking until 1am - Telegraph: "More than 500 members debated the Finance Bill into the small hours last week, triggering for the first time a new rule that entitles MPs – even those with taxpayer-funded second homes – to claim up to �130 for a hotel room if a session has continued beyond 1am.

The nine-and-a-half-hour debate also prompted extraordinary scenes at the House of Commons, where MPs were seen by observers “getting very drunk indeed” in subsidised bars before returning to vote in the chamber, where they were accused of being “well-refreshed”.

John Randall, the deputy chief whip and Tory MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, was rebuked by the Speaker for making repeated interruptions and was accused by Angela Eagle, the shadow Treasury minister, of having “enjoyed rather a liquid evening”."


Not only that, but to rub it in, you've paid for the boozing.

Afghan citizens paid $1bn in bribes for public services last year, study finds | World news | guardian.co.uk

Afghan citizens paid $1bn in bribes for public services last year, study finds | World news | guardian.co.uk: "Afghans paid nearly $1bn (�658m) in bribes last year, according to a new survey that reveals that corruption in the country has doubled since 2007.

The study by the monitoring group Integrity Watch Afghanistan showed that the average value of bribes paid in 2009 was $156. The average per capita income is $502 per year."

156 / 502 = 31%

Cheaper than the UK tax take of over 50%

Who says corruption is bad?

Lord Blagger

Climate Gate Corruption

It's a whitewash. What a surprise. In order to keep the money rolling, you can't have the science critised.


29th May 2008: ―Can you delete any emails you may have had with Keith re AR4? Keith will do likewise. He's not in at the moment - minor family crisis.
Can you also email Gene and get him to do the same? I don't have his new
email address. We will be getting Caspar to do likewise”.


So the report says?

Muir Russell says that they "have seen no evidence of any attempt to delete information in respect of a request already made", noting two emails relating to deletion including the famous one cited above:

Rock on. Black is white. White is black, and I've got a lollypop stuck up my arse.

Next, trick. Inquiry didn't consider the science.

Conclusion. The science is sound and unaffected by fiddling with the data.

Yep, that's two lolly pops and a stick of rock being inserted into my anus as we speak.

BBC News - China executes top Chongqing official for corruption

BBC News - China executes top Chongqing official for corruption: "China has executed the top justice official in the city of Chongqing as part of a crackdown on corruption."

Would work wonders in the UK,

Nicolas Sarkozy at centre of criminal investigation over 'illegal donations' - Telegraph

Nicolas Sarkozy at centre of criminal investigation over 'illegal donations' - Telegraph: "Nicolas Sarkozy was at the centre of a criminal investigation today following claims that he regularly received illegal payments from France's richest woman."


Should have learned the lesson from Blair

BBC News - Two French junior ministers quit over perks

BBC News - Two French junior ministers quit over perks: "Two French junior ministers embroiled in separate spending scandals have resigned from the government.

President Nicolas Sarkozy and Prime Minister Francois Fillon had decided that the two ministers must go on Sunday, a government spokesman said.

Overseas Development Minister Alain Joyandet was criticised for spending 116,500 euros (�96,153) on a private jet to fly to the Caribbean for work.

Greater Paris Minister Christian Blanc spent 12,000 euros on cigars."

Meanwhile, the House of Lords drinks itself to oblivion at your expense.

MPs' expenses: Former Labour MP Frank Cook claimed for DIY items bought in USA - Telegraph

MPs' expenses: Former Labour MP Frank Cook claimed for DIY items bought in USA - Telegraph: "Frank Cook, a former Labour MP, claimed twice on his expenses for DIY equipment bought in America where his second wife, an exiled princess from Laos, lives.

Mr Cook, who represented Stockton North until this year’s election, billed the taxpayer for carpet underlay, a universal saw, wall hangings and a swivel cleaner that he said were for his constituency office.

Instead of receipts, he submitted a credit card bill that showed that the items were bought in the United States. At least one item was purchased by Princess Somsangouane Baldinger, who lives in Arizona, on their shared account. Five weeks later, the MP submitted a second claim on his parliamentary expenses for the same items – this time on his additional costs allowance (ACA), which was intended to pay for the upkeep of the London flat he designated as his second home."

No doubt he wanted some shag pile to deal with carpet burns

MPs' expenses: Nadine Dorries pays �50,000 of allowances to close friend - Telegraph

MPs' expenses: Nadine Dorries pays �50,000 of allowances to close friend - Telegraph: "MPs' expenses: Nadine Dorries pays �50,000 of allowances to close friend
A Conservative MP whose parliamentary expenses are under investigation by the Commons sleaze watchdog paid more than �50,000 of public money to a close friend"

Expect more of this as a way round the expenses system

BBC News - Kenyan MPs vote to join world's best paid lawmakers

BBC News - Kenyan MPs vote to join world's best paid lawmakers: "MPs in Kenya have voted to boost their own salaries, making them among the world's best paid politicians.

Under the new legislation, the Kenyan prime minister will take home over a third more than his British counterpart.

He will also earn almost 10% more than the US president. The vote has provoked anger from the general public and the media, correspondents say.

The parliamentarians have voted to be paid a basic $44,000 (�29,000) a year.

But extra allowances can bring the salary up to up to $126,000 (�84,000) after tax - a rise of 18%."

Don't tell the Lords or the MPs. They will do a Cameron. ie. You can't have people in the public sector paid more than the prime minister. In this case it will be that they are poorly paid compared to third world Mps.

Senior CPS lawyer admits taking �20,000 bribe - Telegraph

Senior CPS lawyer admits taking �20,000 bribe - Telegraph: "Father-of-three Sarfraz Ibrahim, 51, agreed to drop an assault case in exchange for cash - despite hearing a confession from a suspect.

A court heard the 'suspect' was in fact an undercover agent sent by the Serious Organised Crime Agency to test if Ibrahim was corrupt."

More corruption in the UK. It's endemic. You just don't get to hear about it.

How else did the Olympics go from 2.4 billion to its current massive cost without corruption?

Lord Blagger

Benefit Cuts

So the government is going to get tough on benefits.

You know the target. People who are old, been sacked from their jobs, get a friendly mate to sign them off on the sick. They then sit around all day, talking and not doing anything, when they could be out there in the real world earning money and paying taxes.


Peers face a 10 per cent cut in their allowances under a new House of Lords expenses regime set to be announced today.


Yep, its started.

Lord Blagger.

Frank Chalk: Pay Rises

Frank Chalk: Pay Rises: "Whilst the England football team performed with all the drive, enthusiasm and vigour of a bunch of council workers looking for something to do; teachers up and down the land can at least celebrate NASUWT leader Chris Keates' 7% pay rise to �135 000 and head of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, Mary Bousted's 3.4% pay increase to �148 000."

Yet another rip off. Are they worth similar sums to the Prime minister?

Is the PM worth this much? You're in debt up to your eyeballs to pay his salary

Lord Blagger

Quote of the Day

Most people prefer to believe their leaders are just and fair even in the face of evidence to the contrary, because once a citizen acknowledges that the government under which they live is lying and corrupt, the citizen has to choose what he or she will do about it.

To take action in the face of a corrupt government entails risks of harm to life and loved ones. To choose to do nothing is to surrender one's self-image of standing for principles. Most people do not have the courage to face that choice. Hence, most propaganda is not designed to fool the critical thinker but only to give moral cowards an excuse not to think at all.

- Michael Rivero

Google Reader (35)

Google Reader (35): "Prison-Bound Filers Among 14,000 First-Time Homebuyer Applicants Who Wrongly Got $27M in Credit. Living in prison didn't stop nearly 1,300 inmates from cashing in on a popular tax break for first-time homebuyers, a government investigator reported Wednesday. Their take: more than $9 million."

Again, a really nice blag. Show's why governments shouldn't be trusted with your money. People like myself get to spend it.

Lord Blagger

'Sacrificed' superbug NHS chief Rose Gibb wins �190,000 damages - Telegraph

'Sacrificed' superbug NHS chief Rose Gibb wins �190,000 damages - Telegraph: "Rose Gibb, the former head of the NHS trust at the centre Britain’s worst hospital superbug outbreak has won more than �190,000 damages after a court ruled that she had been treated as a scapegoat."

Why not? She's saved the county a lot of pension payments?

A single state pension costs about 140,000 pounds. Mind you, Shipman went better, 600+ plus at some estimates, and the NHS hadn't got a clue.

Lord Blagger

Dick Francis's betting method lands gambler �165,000 win - Telegraph

Dick Francis's betting method lands gambler �165,000 win - Telegraph: "For a businessman and racehorse owner has beaten the bookmakers by using a method outlined in the master storyteller's last novel.

Douglas Taylor scooped almost �165,000 by splitting up a mammoth �33,000 bet to keep the odds on his runner as high as possible.

He recruited 200 foreign betting 'couriers' who were each given detailed written instructions to place �165 (euro 200) on his horse D Four Dave in a 7pm race on Monday evening.

They were ordered to place their bets in bookmakers at exactly 6.55pm, giving the turf accountants little inkling that such a large bet was being placed on one horse, and no time to react."

Nice little scam utilizing flaws in the system

Lord Blagger reccommends the same for postal voting. Get the applications in near the deadline so the councils can't check.

Lord Blagger

BBC News - Thieves steal kitchen sink from South Africa police

BBC News - Thieves steal kitchen sink from South Africa police: "South Africa's police are investigating after thieves stripped a police station of all its contents, down to the kitchen sink.

The office was under renovations and ready for re-occupation when the thieves hit, reports South Africa's Times Newspaper.

The robbers helped themselves to everything of value - including doors, cupboards, basins, cutlery, tiles, furniture, electrical equipment and mortuary fridges."

Big points on the blagging scale. Nicking an entire nick has to run up a big score

Lord Blagger

�130,000 puffin crossing 'unusable' - Telegraph

�130,000 puffin crossing 'unusable' - Telegraph: "A puffin crossing installed by a council at a cost of �130,000 cannot be used because it is next to a couple's driveway."

Where your money goes. Perhaps Lord Blagger should start yet another business

Chris Hulme

We hear he's split from his wife. However, during the election he was pushing family values.

However, the interesting bit is his expenses where he claimed for servicing his old boiler. Perhaps his wife should be told.

Lord Blagger

Al Gore behaved like 'crazed sex poodle' with masseuse

And at the same time he's picking your pocket for his green policies so he can become even more of a multi-millionaire

Is there no end to his talents?

Wooof wooof

Google Reader (27)

Google Reader (27): "Catholic church dragged into public works scandal that has sent shockwaves through Italian government

A senior Vatican cardinal is under investigation for corruption, dragging the Catholic church into a public works scandal that has sent shockwaves through the Italian government.

Italian media reported today that Cardinal Crescenzio Sepe, the archbishop of Naples, was suspected of striking cosy deals while head of the Congregation for the Evangelisation of Peoples, the Vatican congregation that uses proceeds from a property empire including 2,000 Rome apartments to fund missionary efforts.

Sepe allegedly oversaw the sale in 2004 of a building in Rome to the then transport minister, Pietro Lunardi, for the suspiciously low price of €4.16m, newspapers reported, adding that magistrates wanted to know why Lunardi then freed up €2.5m in state funding the following year for the congregation to create a museum in its headquarters, and why that museum never opened.

Lunardi, who is also under investigation, said he would contact the magistrates looking into the deal 'as soon as possible... to clear everything up'.

Sepe gave a fiery homily today in Naples, asking his congregation: 'How many martyrs are there, even today, who in the name of the truth... are tortured, humiliated and disrespected?'"

I like the last bit. Nothing like acting indignant and laying it on thick, really thick.

Lord Blagger

Firms paid to shut down wind farms when the wind is blowing | Watts Up With That?

Firms paid to shut down wind farms when the wind is blowing | Watts Up With That?: "Energy firms will receive thousands of pounds a day per wind farm to turn off their turbines because the National Grid cannot use the power they are producing"

Yee ha!!

Paid over the top for producing electricity.

Paid over the top for not producing electricity.

Money for nowt!

What's the risk? The tax payer might wise up to the scam.

Lord Blagger

BBC News - MPs' expenses watchdog chief resigns

BBC News - MPs' expenses watchdog chief resigns: "A senior official brought in to oversee the new MPs' expenses system has quit his post, saying he left the job for the sake of his 'health and sanity'."

Since MPs are immune from any law on bullying under parliamentary privilege, this is a smart move by the troughers. Get rid of the people responsible for stopping the cash and send a message to his colleagues and replacement.

Lord Blagger

Bloody Sunday inquiry chairman Lord Saville works in �60,000 garden shed - Telegraph

Bloody Sunday inquiry chairman Lord Saville works in �60,000 garden shed - Telegraph: "Lord Saville's long-awaited report on Bloody Sunday has taken more than 12 years and four months to produce – and cost the public �191 million."

A nice blag if you can get it. Well done Lord Saville.

12 years and millions

Lord Blagger

Google Reader (248)

Google Reader (248): "Multilingual doctor of mathematics who lost Broxtowe seat in May is thought to be first MP on unemployment benefit

He speaks six languages, has a PhD in maths, and spent 13 years in parliament. But despite his glittering CV, Nick Palmer, former Labour MP for Broxtowe, has revealed that he applied last month for unemployment benefits."

Once you've sacked them, you've still go to pay for them.

Lordjavascript:void(0) Blagger

New Zealand minister paid for porn on government credit card - Telegraph

New Zealand minister paid for porn on government credit card - Telegraph: "A former New Zealand government minister has admitted paying for pornographic films with his ministerial credit card."

Not a surpise.

I'm shocked we didn't get MPs claiming visits to Shepherd's Market in London as consultantcy.

MPs expenses: More than 200 MPs entitled to nearly �10.5million in 'golden goodbyes' - Telegraph

MPs expenses: More than 200 MPs entitled to nearly �10.5million in 'golden goodbyes' - Telegraph: "More than 200 MPs who quit at last month’s General Election are entitled to share nearly �10.5 million in 'golden goodbyes', a new report has said."

Oh dear. Just think what they could have made if they hadn't been caught.

Take up Lord Blaggers offer of 30,000 for protection against investigation or your money back

Lord Blagger

KIng Coal to King Blag

BBC News - Mineworkers' union still funding Scargill's London flat: "The National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) is to debate its continued funding for a London flat for former president Arthur Scargill, who retired in 2002.

Payments understood to run into tens of thousands of pounds a year have been made for rent and running costs on the apartment in the Barbican since 1982."

All paid for from the little 'Union Modernisation Fund'. A nice little bit of money laundering.

Labour government pays the unions to modernise.

Unions pay Labour cash to pay them modernisation funds.

In the interim, money gets diverted to pay for expensive city flats for Scargill

Blagg on

Lord Blagger

Three jailed for bribes on �1.3m of education quango contracts - Telegraph

Three jailed for bribes on �1.3m of education quango contracts - Telegraph: "Three people have been jailed for their role in bribery and money laundering involving �1.3m of public money belonging to Britain's biggest quango."

Tut Tut. When its so easy making money out of the Labour wonks, getting caught was stupid.

1. When creaming it, don't splash the cash.

Lord Blagger

MEPs spend nearly �5 million on foreign fact finding missions - Telegraph

MEPs spend nearly �5 million on foreign fact finding missions - Telegraph: "The best travelled MEP from the UK was Glenys Kinnock, who racked up 143,033 airmiles between 2004 and 2009 on trips which cost almost �60,000"

Glenys Kinnock. Quelle Surprise.

A familly of benefits scroungers who've become multi millionaires whilst working for the public sector.

What a bunch of blaggers

Lord Blagger

Lord of the Pies - Confirmed

Prescott gets a peerage.

Good thing too. The existing stewards in the Lords are getting very tardy at delivering the drinks. All we need to do is dress the Lord of the Pies up in a monkey suit, give him a tray and set him to work.

Lord Blagger

Pension at age 66 for four million workers - Telegraph

Pension at age 66 for four million workers - Telegraph: "From 2012, the basic state pension will increase in line with earnings instead of inflation. Since earnings are usually higher, economists estimate it will cost the taxpayer an extra �2 billion a year.

To meet the cost, the state pension age will rise more quickly than had been planned. Under current arrangements, it is due to rise to 66 between 2024 and 2026.

But the Queen’s Speech confirmed that the coalition would review that timetable and could bring it forward"

Notice the rip off. For every year the pension age is raised, it steals 5,000 pounds from every pensioner to be.

The link with inflation and wages is also a rip off. The result of it breaking was to mean that you paid more and more for relatively less and less.

Shows what happens when you run a Ponzi scheme.

Lord Blagger

Duchess of Pork

This shows the problem. As soon as the non professionals get involved in a bit of corruption it goes wrong. MPs, most Lords are basically amateurs trying to do a proffesional job. All it takes is someone to dress up as a sheik, a tart or a rent boy and get it filmed, and they soon make a right royal mess all over the carpet.

You would have thought they had learned their lesson from the taxi drivers for rent, funny sheiks, dolly birds, ... but oh no, the lure of filth lucre now that the government tap is being turned off is too much

That and having to put up with the proposed Lord of the Pies, Mr Leg over himself, is seriously downgrading the House of Lords as a club. Mind you, we could aways get him to put his waiters outfit on and start serving some drinks

Lord Blagger

Duchess of York 'devastated' by tabloid sting - Times Online

Duchess of York 'devastated' by tabloid sting - Times Online: "The Duchess of York is “devastated” and “regretful” after she was filmed in a tabloid newspaper sting apparently offering to sell access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew for �500,000, her spokeswoman said today.

The Duchess, currently en route to Los Angeles, told a reporter posing as an Indian businessman that the payment would “open doors” and was filmed sitting in front of a table with a large amount of cash laid out on it."

Should have come to Lord Blagger for some consultancy.
After all, what is 20% of 500,000, compared with what she will make now, which is a whole lot of niothing.

Lord Blagger

The price of Booze

Lord Blaggers first success with lobbying the new regime is off and running.

He's got the government to put a minimum price on booze, which is money going straight to his clients bottom line.

Alcoholics and binge drinkers aren't going to change.

Lord Blagger

Labour MP Eric Illsley charged over expenses | Politics | guardian.co.uk

Labour MP Eric Illsley charged over expenses | Politics | guardian.co.uk: "Eric Illsley, the Labour MP for Barnsley Central, has become the latest member of parliament to be charged over his expenses claims, it emerged today.

Illsley is accused of three counts of false accounting and will appear at City of Westminster magistrates' court on 17 June.

It is alleged that he falsely claimed more than �20,000 over three years for expenses on his second home in London."

More to come. It's for such paltry amounts it does blaggers everywhere a diservice.

If you are going to blag, blag large.

More like Lord Taylor of Warwick for example

Lord Blagger

The great get away - Crossrail

Still to go ahead. Yipee!

Think about it. It's just like the Olympics.

Put in the 16 billion quote. Now when any change comes in we escalate the cost. The Olympics have gone from 2.5 billion to over 12 billion. Think how the 16 billion will escalate. Get your noses in the trough.

Lord Blagger will also benefit when it goes to his country pad. After all, a quick get away from the Lords on a Friday after signing in and getting the expenses is what one has to do.

Then look at the costs. 16 billion is going to cost 3 million a day. With a maximum of 200K passengers a day, its 15 quid plus running costs for a ticket. The plebs who use it won't pay it, so it means cuts elsewhere. Lord Blagger will expense the ticket anyway so he's immune.

Pity those who don't use Crossrail. They will get the cuts in services, the tax rises, the ticket hikes, and the delapidated trains and stations to pay for Lord Blaggers getaway.

If they do hike the prices, all it means is more space, and a better class of passenger.

Mugs, all of them

Cameron and Clegg

The new Ant and Dec.

'Nuff said

Lord Blagger

Cameron and Clegg

The new Ant and Dec.

'Nuff said

Lord Blagger

Trip

Lord Blagger has been taking a trip. Westminister is two chaotic to make any money at the moment. There's an over supply of Lembit Opik's that they are even paying the press to appear on TV. Something to do with losing their jobs. No one is even taking money on him appearing on, "I'm a minor celeb, get me out of here".

On the trip, Leeds was interesting. Lots of nice apartments around the Armouries, good restaurants at a fraction of the cost in London. Plus there are signs of people working. That's more than can be said for the Wirral, which is truly awful.

Lord Blagger

Farage Plane Crash - Investigation

Breaking News: Accident investigators have identified the cause of Nigel Farage's plane crash as resulting from a problem with construction - too right wings.

Spot the Pattern

A history of politics in the UK in recent years;

1979: The Conservatives win, on the ticket that Labour has completely fucked up the country (which they had).

1997: Labour wins, on the ticket that the Conservatives have completely fucked up the country (which they had).

2010: The Conservatives look set to win, on the ticket that Labour have completely fucked up the country (which they have).

Am I alone in seeing a wee bit of a pattern emerging here?

Macmillan admits to bribery over World Bank Sudan aid deal - Telegraph

Macmillan admits to bribery over World Bank Sudan aid deal - Telegraph: "Macmillan, the British publisher behind Hilary Mantel's Man Booker prizewinner, Wolf Hall, has admitted it made 'corrupt payments' in an attempt to win a World Bank aid contract in Africa."

They are all at it

Why not get a piece for yourself?

Lord Blagger

Council's �70,000 playground is 'a pile of concrete blocks' - Telegraph

Council's �70,000 playground is 'a pile of concrete blocks' - Telegraph: "Childen who were expecting a new �70,000 playground complete with swings and slides have been left 'devastated' after the council gave them a pile of concrete blocks instead."

You're paying for it

Archive (Ghostsigns)

Archive (Ghostsigns)

A ghost sign is an old painted advertising mural on a wall.

Off topic, but this is an interesting idea where people can help. Lots of people makes this sort of project easy. The use of things like iPhones with built in GPS means it should be straightforward to build an app to take photographs and post to the web.

John Higgins was framed

John Higgins: Snooker champion in 'match-fixing row' | Mail Online: "The three-times world champion was filmed shaking hands on a �260,000 deal in which he appeared to agree to deliberately lose frames for an illegal gambling syndicate."

See what happens when the little men get involved in corruption. It all goes wrong.

What to get involved in a little bit of graft? Get in contact with Lord Blagger for some consultantcy to protect yourself. Discount rates available for repeat business

Lord Blagger

'Hypocrite' Harman and her family's inheritance tax dodge | Mail Online

'Hypocrite' Harman and her family's inheritance tax dodge | Mail Online: "The Labour deputy leader was revealed to be one of the beneficiaries of a trust set up in her father's will designed to reduce the amount of tax she would eventually pay on his estate."

Quite right. She's in on the game. She's seen how Labour spends the cash. She knows if she pays the money as tax it will go into her reprehensible colleagues pockets. Better to keep it in the familly

Lord Blagger

Top 10 Corrupt Countries - Listverse

Top 10 Corrupt Countries - Listverse: "Top 10 Corrupt Countries"

Coming soon to the UK unless parliament gets its act together and bans the press from reporting.

Lord Blagger

'Modern day Robin Hood' stole from dead patients to give to poor - Telegraph

'Modern day Robin Hood' stole from dead patients to give to poor - Telegraph: "An NHS worker who believed she was a 'modern day Robin Hood' stole more than �750,000 from the estates of dead patients."

Jailed for five years for obtaining money by signing a document.

Notice the simularity with MPs signing an expenses document and getting the cash.

Note to all blaggers and those thinking about a career as a blagger, then becoming an MP or a Lord (email for details about what it will cost), then you gain a lot of immunity.

For example, 3 MPs have been prosecuted, but over half have been on the Blag.

The risks of being prosecuted are far higher for bank robbers, so it make sense to join one of the two clubs where you get paid to be a member.

Lord Blagger

Alex Salmond: Blagger of the Day

Alex Salmond: I need �65,000 MP pay-off to give Scotland 'freedom' - Telegraph: "Alex Salmond has suggested he needs a �65,000 pay-off after stepping down as an MP to continue his political career and give Scotland “freedom”."

Nice move. Get the payoff, and still carry on working for the same organisation, creaming it at the taxpayer's expense.

Lord Blagger

Vote for change

Conservatives: VOTE FOR CHANGE

Personally I'll be backing the party that says: VOTE FOR £50's

If they're going to bribe me to vote, at least make it worth my while.

Lord Blagger

20 Pound Note

As announced on 8 March, the £20 banknote carrying the portrait of composer Sir Edward Elgar is to be finally withdrawn from circulation from 30 June this year - less than ten weeks away.

Quantitative easing is working

Next stop ...

QE at work

Lord Blagger

Tax Amnesty

Great idea from the Lib Dems.

Apparently all my illegal workers are going to get to go legal, and get a tax amnesty.



On the amnesty for illegal immigrants, he struggled big time on whether British citizens would be given the same tax amnesty that illegal immigrants would be granted, by dint of not having oaid tax during their 10 years in the country. He admitted they hadn't thought about it! Bearing in mind that Hughes largely wrote the LibDem immigration policy, he was surprisingly woolly. Bear in mind that the LibDems have said they would bring in another £4 billionby getting tough on tax evasion! You couldn't make it up.

HUGHES: I think that British citizens would be entitled to say that they should be treated evenly. People that have been here all the time.

Nolan: Would the Lib Dems give that guarantee?

HUGHES: It is not in our manifesto but you raise a good point and I think what you would have to do in that case is once people were legitimated and regulated, then if they had been working; part of the process should be working out what they should contribute. So I think that's a perfectly reasonable proposition.

http://iaindale.blogspot.com/2010/04/libdems-tax-amnesty-for-illegals-but.html


Blaggers should be interested in this. Tax amnesty for illegals, means a tax amnesty for all. For once, the human rights act would work in our favour.

Nice work Simon.

Lord Blagger

Lord Oxburgh

There is a danger being roped into running a cover up. A fellow lord has got himself into trouble.

When the University of East Anglia decided to investigate itself, they could have chosen from a wide variety of scientific or legal figures. They decided on Lord Oxburgh, despite questions about his independence. As chairman of a windfarm manufacturer, could he really impartially decide on fundamental questions of the probity of climate science?

Would Lord Oxburgh have been appointed to his position as head of the panel investigating Climategate if it had been known that his employer was a subsidiary controlled by an Italian company enmeshed in scandals involving Sicilian waste? Let me hasten to add that I am not making any accusations of either Lord Oxburgh or Falck Renewables, the company he chairs. But was he really the best choice for this inquiry?

Examiner

The lesson to learn from this part, is that as a blagger, you want to keep it Lord Oxburgh has set himself up. Advice against this is a standard part of Lord Blagger's advice. Cheap at 10,000 pounds a day. It's just twice the sum a taxi driver makes in a day.

The second interesting part from the article is this

Lord Oxburgh is chairman of Falck Renewables, a builder of windfarms with six projects in operation or under construction in the UK alone. Falck Renewables is a subsidiary of Falck Group, a Milan based company that has built windfarms in Calabria and Sicily that have been part of an anti-Mafia investigation. Some of the windfarms, including one near Corleone, were completed quite some time ago, but haven't been connected to the grid. However, generous EU subsidies were forthcoming nonetheless.

A nice blag. Subsidy for building them, plus you can get a European price for the turbines, but get them built in China. It's the assembly that makes them European!

Then there is the EU subsidy blag. Get the subsidy for doing nothing. Just like the farmers. What's so good about the EU blag is that no country prosecutes, because its EU money not theirs any more. The EU won't prosecute because its like cutting off your nose to spite yourself. You don't want the public asking questions or the gravy train will end.

Italian and EU subsidies for the building of wind farms and the world’s highest guaranteed rates, €180 ($240, £160) per kwh, for the electricity they produce have turned southern Italy into a highly attractive market exploited by organised crime.

The UK price cab be around 6.5p a kwh.

That's why its such a great blag. You could even drive the turbines from the power supply to give the illusion of working. Then feed the power from the grid back to the grid

What's even better is that the mugs who pay the price, the public, are being forced by the greens to give Lord Blagger the cash!

Lord Blagger

General Election 2010: Nick Clegg admits �20,000 was paid into his account - Telegraph

General Election 2010: Nick Clegg admits �20,000 was paid into his account - Telegraph:

"Nick Clegg received almost �20,000 in donations from three lobbyists into his private bank account, he admitted last night."

Nice. Pity he got caught. For more advice on how to get away with it, sign up for one of Lord Blagger seminars on having your cake and eating it.

Lord Blagger

Update: Malware infects UK National Health Service systems - Computerworld

Update: Malware infects UK National Health Service systems - Computerworld:

"Computers belonging to the UK's National Health Service have been hit with data-stealing malware, although it doesn't appear patient information was stolen, according to security vendor Symantec."

That's why Lord Blagger insisted that his contract to supply software to the NHS has a little clause that made the NHS responsible for security.

After all, having looked at the specification, it was so full of holes, that only a looney would accept responsibility for security

Lord Blagger.

Rule 1. Cover your arse

Hero's of the Blag

Sir Percy Ware-Armitage

Never leave anything to chance. Nobble your opponents.

Lord Blagger would like to pay tribute to one of the best.

Alan Duncan

Apparently Conservative MP Alan Duncan was stuck in Turkey for a week due to the volcanic ash from Iceland. It's alright though, he's back at his second home now though.

2012 Olympic bill tops �9 billion

2012 Olympic bill tops �9 billion - Channel 4 News: "Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell tells MPs the budget for the 2012 is now �9.3 billion - nearly a fourfold increase on the original �2.4 billion"

That's nearly 7 billion of blagging. Pity the poor tax payer.

I hope you all filled your boots in the process.

For more ideas on how to blag similar sums, sign up for one of Lord Blaggers little road shows, "How to blag it at the public's expense" A snip at 50,000 pounds.

Lord Blagger

MPs' expenses: Ian Austin tried to split the stamp duty on sunsets in Waterloo - Telegraph

MPs' expenses: Ian Austin tried to split the stamp duty on sunsets in Waterloo - Telegraph: "an Austin tried to split the stamp duty on sunsets in Waterloo"

Ian Austin

Ian Austin completed the purchase of the Waterloo flat on March 31 2006 but submitted claims for the stamp duty in two separate amounts: £6,770 on March 28 and £1,344 on April 3.

This allowed him to claim the majority of the money under his second home allowance for the financial year 2005-06. In total, he received £21,559 — £75 below the limit — that year.

His claim for the remaining £1,344 was turned down by the parliamentary fees office.

Quite why someone so stupid ends up as an MP. It's attempted fraud. There are far better ways of blagging it.

He should be prosecuted for giving blaggers a bad name

Lord Blagger

Peter Eigen: How to expose the corrupt | Video on TED.com

Peter Eigen: How to expose the corrupt | Video on TED.com

Awful. You are paying via your taxes to stop being able to cream money off the top, in order to pay the taxes in the first place.

Make poverty history, legalise corruption now!

Lord Blagger

General Election 2010: Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem donors and payments into his private bank account - Telegraph

General Election 2010: Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem donors and payments into his private bank account - Telegraph

"General Election 2010: Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem donors and payments into his private bank account"

Acceptable?

Tut tut. Both donor and receiptant have a lot to learn.

A little adage from computing is that you can solve any problem by adding another layer of indirection.

So if you want to pay someone off, get someone else to do it for you. If you want to be paid off, get someone else to receive the money.

Hence the insistance from MPs that they can carry on employing their wives. It's a choice of another layer of indirection.

MPs' Expenses: my only crime was to pay too much, says Gordon Brown - Telegraph

MPs' Expenses: my only crime was to pay too much, says Gordon Brown - Telegraph: "Gordon Brown has said that he needed a taxpayer-funded cleaner because he has two children and his wife was at work."

I think I'll put my application in tomorrow.

After all if its good for Prescot, good for Brown, its got to be good for me.

Lord Blagger

And the pork goes on: More Bloated BBC Expenses

Iain Dale's Diary: More Bloated BBC Expenses:

Roger Wright"
"Take Roger Wright, for instance. He's the controller of BBC Radio 3. Now that really must be a hugely challenging job. Mr Wright is on a salary of �200,000. Last year he claimed more than �7,000 in taxi fares, compared to only �4 for an underground ticket. In 2009 he claimed �3,561 for 11 nights in a top class London hotel (�323 a night) so he didn't have to go home after each night of the Proms. No doubt he then got a taxi from that top London hotel to his office each morning, and then from his office to the Albert Hall."

Anthony Steen claims on expenses for London home - Telegraph

Anthony Steen claims on expenses for London home - Telegraph: "Anthony Steen, the Tory grandee who said anger over his expenses claims was due to 'jealousy' of his 'very, very large house', wisely decided not to brave the voters at this election. Before standing down, however, he found time to make a new expenses claim."

Last gasp. Get it in whilst it lasted.

Lord Blagger

Donnygate scandal ends in jail terms

Donnygate scandal ends in jail terms | Society | The Guardian:

"Donnygate scandal ends in jail terms

'Rotten' bribes network exposed in court hearing"

The worst local government corruption case since the Poulson scandal of the 1970s ended yesterday with hefty jail terms for a senior Labour councillor and the property developer who bribed him.

The four-year sentence for Peter Birks, former chairman of planning in Doncaster finished the virtual elimination of the old, miner-dominated Labour party in the South Yorkshire town, which has already seen two former council leaders and two former mayors among 21 councillors convicted of fraud.

Most were found guilty of fiddling expenses, often for small sums but damned by a series of judges as part of a wholesale culture of corruption which engulfed the mid-90s administration. But yesterday's verdicts unravelled the much more far-reaching, "rotten network" created by Doncaster developer Alan Hughes, 63, who was given five years.

I can't see that there is anything illegal. If you make up a legal system on planning which stops people using their own assets as they see fit, then its creating the ideal blag. Councils will ask for bribes in the form of section 106 agreements.

All that has happened here is a bit of private enterprise to oil the wheels so to speak.

If its good for the government (s106) its good for the councilors

Lord Blagger

The gift that keeps on giving - Jule Kirkbride

MPs’ expenses: Julie Kirkbride puts taxpayer-funded flat up for rent - Telegraph: "After claiming more than �80,000 in the last four years for the Georgian mansion apartment near Redditch, Worcs, the former MP for Bromsgrove is now offering to rent it out for �925 a month. The figure is around �100 more than her monthly mortgage interest costs.

Miss Kirkbride and her husband, Andrew MacKay, both announced that they would stand down from Parliament after it emerged that they designated two separate houses as their “main property,” allowing them to claim second home expenses at different addresses."

It keeps on giving and giving. Miss Kirbride should give a big thank you to the plebs that are paying

It pays to keep the plebs sweet or they will turn sour.

Lord Blagger

Volcano

Eyjafjallajökull

Dear British Prime minister Gordon Brown

I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding between our countries earlier this week. We now know that when you said "We want the cash up front" you were referring to money but unfortunately there is no C in our alphabet. We hope this misunderstanding hasn't been to inconvenient for you and your good nation.

Sincerely
Johanna Sigurdardottir
Prime minister of Iceland.

BBC News - National Gallery to reveal its fakes in exhibition

BBC News - National Gallery to reveal its fakes in exhibition

Holbein?

Blags from past times

Lord Blagger was offered the painting but turned it down. He then pointed the seller, for a not inconsiderable fee, in the direction of the National Gallery. It's easy when you are spending other people's money. You don't care as much. After all, if it turns out to be a sexton, you just put on a show with other sextons.


Lord Blagger

John Prescott's employee is paid hush money - Telegraph

John Prescott's employee is paid hush money - Telegraph

As John Prescott tours the country drumming up support for his fellow bruiser Gordon Brown, there is one woman with good reason to avoid his "battle bus".

Mandrake can disclose that one of the former deputy prime minister's employees has won a "substantial" sum in compensation after she complained about her treatment.

Janice Morphet reached an out-of-court settlement last month that will mean any allegations about the culture in the upper echelons of the Government will not be heard in public.

Mandrake understands that taxpayers will foot the bill of more than £50,000 for the deal, under which Mrs Morphet agreed never to speak about her time in Prescott's employ. The deal was agreed just days before she was due to appear at the London Central Employment tribunal in Holborn.

Nice Blagg Mr Prescott. Get the taxpayer to bail you out of your abuse of staff.

This is on top of your other blag.

Government gave Prescott's former home £3,000 deep clean
Taxpayers had to fork out £3,320 for John Prescott's grace-and-favour home to undergo a "deep clean" after he moved out, it emerged today.

Broadest Shoulders

Brown's slogan that the burden of his fuck ups should fall on those with the boardest shoulders is a bit like claiming that we should only jail agrophobics because they are best placed to cope with incarceration

Leaders Debate

Pity the poor buggers having to listen to it.

3 people, all blaggers with records, telling them over 90 minutes how they are going to spend your money

Lord Blagger.

Porker of the Day - David Cameron

David Cameron

Cameron pays back almost �1,000 in wrongly claimed expenses | News: "David Cameron today paid back �947 in excessive expenses claims as the row over Commons allowances reignited.

The Conservative leader sent a cheque to the Commons to cover over claims including �218.91 in mortgage payments.

He admitted that he inadvertently failed to reduce his claim for taxpayer support even he moved off a fixed interest loan to lower variable rates.

Other blunders included �10 charged in error for a researcher's phone bill and �9 overpaid for a home power bill.

The cheque also included �680 that he promised to repay last month for removing wisteria and other works to his house."

Wisteria? Who the fuck claims for wisteria? What a dummy putting in a bill for that.

Lord Blagger

Perpetual motion machine prints cash

- Bishop Hill blog - It's�true!: "After press reports, it was established during inspections that several solar power plants were generating current and feeding it into the net at night. To simulate a larger installation capacity, the operators connected diesel generators.

'This is just the tip of the iceberg,' said one industry expert to the newspaper 'El Mundo', which brought the scandal to light. If solar systems apparently produce current in the dark, will be noticed sooner or later. However, if electricity generators were connected during daytime, the swindle would hardly be noticed."

What a blag!! Almost as good as some of the more audacious expenses claims by my coleagues.

The idea of a perpetual motion machine printing cash.

Generate electricity from arc lights on photo cells and get cash!

Lord Blagger takes his hat!

Youth Parliament teens blow thousands of pounds of taxpayers’ money | The Sun |News

Youth Parliament teens blow thousands of pounds of taxpayers’ money | The Sun |News: "TEENAGERS serving on a Youth Parliament have blown thousands of pounds of taxpayers' money on parties, pizzas and chauffeur-driven cars for themselves.

The snouts-in-the-trough scandal, which mirrors the greedy behaviour of real MPs, was revealed by a 17-year-old whistleblower.

Lydia Ellis spoke out after being sickened by the way fellow youth MPs were squandering their �45,000-a-year grant.

The money is supposed to be spent on projects to improve life for youngsters in Surrey, with special emphasis on deprived areas.

But student Lydia revealed the Surrey Youth Parliament last year blew �15,000 on a party for themselves and members of other youth councils.

The bash at Epsom Racecourse included free coach travel, food and drink, plus 200 'goodie bags' stuffed with gadgets bearing the Youth Parliament's branding.

Lydia said the parliament's 20 members - aged 13 to 18 - splash out on chauffeur-driven cars to take them to and from their meetings every six weeks at council offices in Kingston."

Spot on. Start them early and some will go on to be the next generation of Blaggers. Looks like the speaker has been teaching them well

Lord Blagger

YouTube - Legal aid for New Labour expenses piggy MPs (12Apr10)

Not only blag money from the public, but they have blagged their defence costs. Not only that when the plebs send them done, the plebs are going to pay to imprison them.

Stupid plebs. It's costing them money. They should have just paid up to enable the MPs to get away with it. It would have been cheaper.

Lord Blagger

UKIP

Sod the lot

Campaigns like this should be banned. We don't want to give the electorate the chance of getting rid of our supporters in the Commons. All for one, one for all, and lots of cash to boot.

Lord Blagger

Conservatives hold party for peer prosecuted over his expenses claims - Telegraph

Lord Hanningfield

Conservatives hold party for peer prosecuted over his expenses claims - Telegraph: "The only Conservative politician being prosecuted over his expenses claims, Lord Hanningfield, has brought great shame on his party.

Unbelievably, however, Tory officials on Essex County Council are holding a lavish party in his honour on Sunday afternoon."

Bad idea. A party for those that are stupid enough to be caught. Not a good thing. They should have kept it quite because it makes it difficult for the rest of us to carry on as normal.

However, they can always try the defense, you can't find a jury that isn't made up of my victims.

Alternatively in his case, a jury of his peers. They are on the take or have looked the other way, take your pick. An acquital is more likely


Lord Blagger

BBC News - Organs 'removed for transplant without consent'

BBC News - Organs 'removed for transplant without consent': "Organs may have been removed from deceased people without their consent after a data-handling error by the NHS."

Now they are going beyond blagging cash and are blagging body parts from the dead.

Ideal blag. Kidneys on the black market are expensive, plus you have to fly to India, or go to China to get one from an ex-con. Plus the dead don't sue.

Perhaps we should put all MPs on the register and take the hung parliament literally. Blaggers who get caught expose the whole game.

Lord Blagger

Married Tax Allowances

Don't you just love it? The countries finances are going to pot, and blaggers everywhere are clearing up at your expense. What are the MPs discussing? Can they afford 3 quid a week for married couples where one doesn't work.

All a nice distraction from their blagging.

Lord Blagger

General Election 2010: Jacqui Smith says she was 'scapegoat' over MPs' expenses - Telegraph

General Election 2010: Jacqui Smith says she was 'scapegoat' over MPs' expenses - Telegraph: "The former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has claimed that she was “made a scapegoat” over the MPs’ expenses scandal."

Stop winging darling. You failed to make the grade as a blagger. Accept it.

Lord Blagger

Office manager who stole �500,000 'ordered to repay �1 compensation' - Telegraph

Office manager who stole 500,000 'ordered to repay 1 compensation' - Telegraph: "A company director defrauded by Tessa Phillips, his office manager, of 500,000 was awarded just 1 compensation because all the money had been spent, a court heard."


If only all blags were as rewarding

Lord Blagger

Millions spent on 5-a-day mantra but now we're eating even LESS vegetables | Mail Online

Millions spent on 5-a-day mantra but now we're eating even LESS vegetables | Mail Online: "Millions spent on 5-a-day mantra but now we're eating even LESS vegetables"

They don't know what they are talking about. Lord Blagger has made a small fortune on the 5 a day campaign. It's money for nothing, courtesy of the government.

I don't understand why people who complain about being poor, don't get on the gravy train like I have. All you need is a mad cap idea like 5 a day. Then lobby a minister (I can help you there for a fee), and get the government to shovel cash down your gullet.

Lord Blagger

foi_allowances_k.pdf (application/pdf Object)

foi_allowances_k.pdf (application/pdf Object)

A document on the expenses going back to 1984. The MPs have been troughing for a long time.

In particular lots of details on how the MPs arranged themselves a little tax haven. Exemption from Income Tax on their fiddles.

What a nice blag.

1. Not only get lots of expenses without scrutiny.
2. Sneak the changes into a bill at the second reading.
3. Exempt your fiddle from taxation and hence scrutiny by the little people at the Inland Revenue.

The problem was getting caught.

8/10 for the attempt. 2/10 for the execution

Lord Blagger

Revealed: Labour lords change laws for cash - Times Online

Lord Trustcot before being caught

Revealed: Labour lords change laws for cash - Times Online: "Lord Truscott, the former energy minister, said he had helped to ensure the Energy Bill was favourable to a client selling “smart” electricity meters."

Along with others, the cost was 120K a year. A nice blag. The mistake was to do it on film and not check out with Lord Blagger's reference checking service (5K a pop) that it wasn't a con trying to stop Lords making a buck. What's 5K in the context of 120K a year?

Lord Blagger

The deficit

It's interesting looking at the discussions about the deficit.

First is the spin that deficit means debt. Even the BBC have been peddling this.

Second is the debt figure. Left off the list is PFI, state pension, state second pension, civil service pensions, bank bailout, nuclear decommissioning, outstanding invoices, ... The total figure is huge, and dwarfs the gilt debt. All Enron accounting. Just what a blagger needs to make money.

Then take the "halve the deficit in four years" statement. Halving the deficit means 170 / 2 = 85 billion a year. However, the debts gone up in the mean time. 5% interest rates (optimistic) over 20 years means 50 billion on debt repayments. Total tax increases and spending cuts is 135 billion.

So where is this going to come from? First is spending cuts. However, don't forget inflation. Second is tax rises. However, the spin is growth. The missing word is growth in taxation. It's the only way the government gets the cash.

So will it work? Lets say the 'investment' gets a million back to work. 13K a year in benefits (tax free - nice blag). 1 million times 13K is 13 billion. So that 122 billion to come from taxes. Can those returning to work make up the difference? 122 billion divided by a million is 122,000 a year in taxes. Call it 300K a year in salary.

How many of the unemployed are going to earn 300K a year?

So who else could we tax? 122 billionaires, take everything. However, we still have to find another set the next year.

ie. It doesn't work. Period. With financial geniuses in the government who are arguing about peanuts whilst there is this massive hole shows huge incompentence.

That's why blagging the government is so easy, and so rewarding.

Lord Blagger

Trougher of the Day - David Cameron

Cameron

David Cameron to repay wrongly claimed expenses | Politics | guardian.co.uk: "David Cameron today chose to bring his own expenses under the spotlight as he sent a cheque to the Commons fees office after 'carefully' going through his receipts and realising he had overclaimed to the tune of 947.29.

The Tory leader volunteered the repayment after identifying a series of claims that should not have been made, including 218 on his mortgage interest in 2006.

This is on top of 680 he had already said he would repay for repairs at his second home, in Oxfordshire, were revealed by the Telegraph last month.

The claims included the cost of clearing wisteria and vines from the chimney, replacing outside lights and resealing the conservatory roof."

Goes all the way to the top. If they are all at it, they all can't be prosecuted, can they?

Safety in numbers, just like most prey animals.

Lord Blagger

Blagger of the Day - Gordon Brown

Over claims 12,500 pounds

Gordon Brown is to repay more than £12,000 in expenses after an independent inquiry found he had made excessive claims for cleaning, gardening and decorating.

Expenses

What's even more wrong, is that he's had an interest free loan for many years. If he was charged at the same rate as the DWP says pensioners earn on their cash, he's saved 3,500 pounds at your expenses. Work for anyone else and an interest free loan is a taxable benefit. Nice blagging Gordon!

Lord Blagger.

Airline passenger conversations to be monitored under EU project - Telegraph

Airline passenger conversations to be monitored under EU project - Telegraph

"Airline passengers could have their conversations and movements monitored under a European Union project aimed at tackling terrorism."

Lord Blagger would ask all of you to contact your MPs and ask them to support this. Not because it would work, but because he stands to make a lot of cash out of this.

First there is the hardware. He has to declare a finacial interest there.

Second there is the staff - lots of them. They need to do the listening. Now, because travellers come from lots of countries, most will be imported into the UK. In particular we will need lots of arabic speakers. Then we will need the people to monitor those people, since some of the monitors might be terrorists infiltrating the system.

There is oodles of cash to be made, so get calling

Lord Blagger

PS. There won't be any microphones on Lord Blagger's private jet

John Redwood - Conservative Party Candidate for Wokingham

John Redwood - Conservative Party Candidate for Wokingham

"Mr Farage is himself standing against the independent Speaker, himself a former Conservative Eurosceptic. This is against the convention of the UK democracy Mr Farage sometimes claims to hold dear."

Quite right John. We can't have a blagger like the speaker kicked out by the electorate. Imagine, allowing the plebs a choice that results is a prime porker like the speaker losing their job.

The consequences are truely awful. He will be kicked over to the Lords and we would have to deal the little Napolean.

Lord Blagger

Q: When is a fire chief not a fire chief? A: When he wants a �380,000 payout - Telegraph

Q: When is a fire chief not a fire chief? A: When he wants a �380,000 payout - Telegraph: "Paul Hayden will be allowed to retire on a full pension aged 50 from Hereford and Worcester Fire and Rescue Service after he persuaded his local fire authority that for retirement purposes he is not its chief fire officer, but a 'brigade manager'.

This means he can avoid rules to be introduced this week by HM Revenue and Customs to stop desk-bound staff, including chief fire officers, benefiting from generous terms intended to help the rank-and-file. Working firemen, like police officers, are entitled to leave at 50 because of the physical strains of the job."

A nice blag. Clear example of manipulating the rules to your advantge. Congratulations to all those involved.

Lord Blagger

Disgraced and retiring MPs get �153m in payoffs - Times Online

Disgraced and retiring MPs get 153m in payoffs - Times Online

"DISGRACED and retiring MPs are to net 153m in payoffs and pensions as they step down at the general election.

Andrew MacKay, the Conservative MP for Bracknell who became notorious in the expenses scandal, will collect the largest package, worth a total of more than 1.8m.

On average, the 148 MPs who have announced that they will quit the Commons are in line to collect more than 1m each, according to an analysis for The Sunday Times.

Details of the pensions and payoffs follow reports this weekend that a further 20 Labour MPs are to step down within the next few days."

Off the gravy train. That means when it comes to Lord Blagger hiring new lobbyists, he's going to have the pick of the crop. Then for the other's its just a case of drip drip drip to the press with more of the dirt, and their effectiveness drops away.

My advice to those wanting to blag some more, sign up with Lord Blagger. You know its in your own self interest.

Lord Blagger

Expenses-row MP Derek Conway in line for �1m profit on taxpayer-funded flat | Mail Online

Expenses-row MP Derek Conway in line for 1m profit on taxpayer-funded flat | Mail Online:

"The MP who kicked off the Commons expenses scandal is set to make a profit of more than 1million from selling his London home part-funded by the taxpayer.

Ex-Tory Derek Conway, who is quitting as an MP after overpaying his sons as Commons researchers, is trying to sell his three-bedroom apartment for 1.4million."

He's bound to drive a Jaaaggg too

Lord Blagger

MPs' expenses: Peers' watchdog filed overseas hotel bill - Telegraph

MPs' expenses: Peers' watchdog filed overseas hotel bill - Telegraph:

"The House of Lords official who oversees its discredited allowances regime, Michael Pownall, has claimed expenses for luxury hotels and tailoring."

Awful. Imaging going after my mate Pownall. After he was the one who has saved all those fellow peers from a trip to the crown court by coming up with that little weaze on second homes, and then keeping the report secret.

What's wrong with a little blagging as a reward?

Lord Blagger

The Daily Mash - MPs CLAIM EXPENSES FOR GETTING CAUGHT AT BEING WHORES

The Daily Mash - MPs CLAIM EXPENSES FOR GETTING CAUGHT AT BEING WHORES:

"FOUR Labour MPs have claimed expenses for getting caught offering to peddle their influence to the highest bidder like common whores.

People are willing to pay Geoff Hoon to do stuff
Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt, Geoff Hoon and Margaret Moran have all submitted claims for around 3000 pounds each, covering the cost of answering the phone to journalists and a new wide screen television so they can watch themselves getting caught, as well as the customary selection of luxurious bath products and emergency double glazing."

Great idea. I'll have to tell my other clients about the concept.

Lord Blagger

French minister used private jet to fly to conference in Martinique - Telegraph

French minister used private jet to fly to conference in Martinique - Telegraph

"Francois Fillon, the French prime minister, has banned ministers from using private jets after a Cabinet member rented one to fly to a conference in Martinique."

Shades of Blair Force One

A pointer for Blaggers everywhere. Don't get caught.

Lord Blagger

BBC News - Robinson denies land wrongdoing

Robinson denies land wrongdoing:

"The First Minister has denied that he did anything wrong when he bought a piece of land next to his family home from a developer for 5 pounds"

Nice Blagg!

Takes one to know one.

Lord Blagger

Digital Rights Bill

BBC News - Protests grow over digital bill: "The Digital Economy bill has sparked a wave of protest among consumers and rights groups."

Lord Blagger urges ever fellow blagger to get in contact with their MP over the Digital Rights Bill. Lord Blagger knows that its a great idea. Why shouldn't I be able to demand money with menaces, cut off people's internet access (they are plebs anyway)? It's all part of the government strategy to deal with legal problems anyway. If passed I wouldn't have to prove anything, the person I think is downloading has to prove it all. It's going to be hard with no internet access.

So get in contact with your MP and get them to support this bill. It's money for nothing for blaggers.

Lord Blagger

First class travel for staff of expenses watchdog - Telegraph

First class travel for staff of expenses watchdog - Telegraph: "The parliamentary expenses watchdog which has outlawed first class rail travel for MPs has decided the ban should not apply to its own staff, the Daily Telegraph can disclose."

Good thing too. We can't have OffBlag (Quango for watching the blaggers) not do some blagging of their own.

Lord Blagger

Lying

Most people become stressed when lying, but new research shows that people with power feel just fine when lying — and are better at getting away with it.

read more

From looking round the peers around me, this research is spot on.

Lord Blagger.

PS. Nice move to sneak into the court via the back door to Southwark crown court.

Bank Regulation

One of my current research ideas for blagging some more cash in banking regulation.

Now we've just had a major banking crisis. Now if a bank goes bust, we can blame the bankers. However if most of the banks go bust, the common factor is the regulator.

However in the world of blaggers, the solution to this mess is more regulation. Absolutely brilliant blagging. Fail as a regulator, and the solution is more regulation.

It's Sarbanes-Oxely. This was introduced as a consequence of the failure of Enron and WorldCom, and Authur Anderson's accountancy practices. The result, was more auditing for a failure in auditing.

Hence the idea for getting involved in regulation. A Failure of regulation needs more regulation. More regulation means more cash.

It's almost as good as the situation before the banking regulation. Lots of cash as a regulator for no regulation.

No surprise that the current regulator is a Lord.

Lord Blagger

30th March 10.00 Southwark Crown Court

Please turn up and show your support. We can't have MPs or heaven forbid, members of the Lords in court. What is the world coming too where a blagger can't make cash from their expenses? After all, why would anyone every become an MP if not to try and emulate the 20 million a year Tony is making?

It's time to put a stop to all this nonsense.

Lord Blagger.

Gold Sales

Lord Blagger owes a great deal of thanks to Gordon Brown. Gordon's little weaze of selling off the UK's gold meant that Lord Blagger managed to get into a nice long position, all offshore in Switzerland, at a rather attractive price. It's been one of Lord Blagger's most succesful plays. Offshore, and all tax free to boot.

Thanks Gordon!

Lord Blagger

If only they had listened

Undercover journalists secretly tape conversations about fees with Adam Ingram and Richard Caborn

Two more former Labour ministers were dragged into the parliamentary lobbying scandal last night after being secretly taped offering to use their government contacts to help commercial clients, in return for fees of up to £2,500 a day.

read more

Yet again another set of basic errors.

1. They should have paid from some consultantcy on how to blag from an expert, yours truly.

2. They didn't check out whether or not they were journalists

3. They jumped the gun. Far better to hang back and let the other take the flack.

I think my consultancy fees are looking on the low side. Just like government debt, when the probability of it going wrong is high, the cost of borrowing goes up.

Lord Blagger

Climate Gate

Here is an example of another bit what will turn out to be a bit of sucessful consultantcy for Lord Blagger.


There has been a curious by-product of the attempts being made by the University of East Anglia to whitewash last November's embarrassing leak of documents from its Climatic Research Unit. Since it set up not one but two supposedly "independent" inquiries into the "Climategate" affair, climate sceptics were intrigued but not entirely surprised to find that almost all their members were committed, even fanatical advocates of global warming, and hence unlikely to be over-critical of the CRU's bizarre record.

read more

It's very simple. We can't afford to let the gravy train stop. Climate change is one of the biggest gravy trains going. Hence the most import part of any investigation. Only hold an inquiry when you know what the answer will be in advance. The best way of getting the correct answer is to stuff the committee with safe hands.

In this case, stuff it with people who are also on the blag.

This will keep Lord Blagger's investments ticking over nicely. There is nothing better than to have the government force everyone to pay a huge premium for Green energy. The other great little scam is carbon trading. Get given permits for free, shut the industry down (because its not green) and sell the permits a great profit. Lord Blagger's acquisition and merger's department has never had it so good.

Lord Blagger

MP's Expenses

Yet another little triumph for yours truly. The expenses mess in the Commons has started taking one or two lessons from how to run a succesful blagging operation from the old hands in the Lords.


House of Commons authorities were accused of a "cosy stitch up" last night after it emerged that full details of MPs' expenses claims will not be published until after the general election.

read more


Keeping them secret gives MPs a chance to avoid all the awkward questions over the election. If booted out, they can form part of the 2010 intake into the Lords. As fellow blaggers they will be welcome.

However, if it had come out early, there would be a huge fuss, the electorate would kick them out, and its then much more difficult to get them on the gravy train in the other place.

Lord Blagger

PS. If you think you're going to lose your seat, get in touch. I'm sure for a small expense (tax exempt), we can get you onto another form of income.

Jack Straw

Labour's election manifesto will include plans to replace the House of Lords with an elected second chamber, a minister confirmed yesterday.

Transport Secretary Lord Adonis said Justice Secretary Jack Straw will set out proposals 'very shortly'.

Mr Straw is understood to have been consulting Cabinet colleagues on the shake-up which would see the Lords become a wholly elected, 300-seat chamber.

Read more


A truely awful idea. We need to stop this. It's wrong on many levels.

1. It would be the end to the gravy train for lots of Lords.
2. How are all those peers who bought their peerages going to get their cash back?
3. I might have to refund some of my consultancy fees for getting peerages
4. Standing for election? I might stand the risk of not being elected.

It has to go.

Lord Blagger

Mandleson

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/blog/2010/mar/26/lord-mandelson-jack-straw-lords-reform-michael-white

I read in today's Guardian that Jack Straw's latest plans for a reformed and wholly-elected second chamber have been "derailed" by no less a track saboteur than Peter Mandelson. Oh good. That will teach them to rush into complex matters for short-term electoral gain.

A nice job Peter. Nice to see a fellow blagger has realised where his bread is buttered. Far easier to make the cash in Lords than on dodgy mortgage deals.

Perhaps not as good as the Brussel's gravy train. He did well there. All that time on a ministerial salary, and a very expensive pad in London as a result. All those holidays on Russian oligarch's boats too.

And the public pays for it too!. Mind you, its the end of the month. Now with the new rules about one day in the main home means I've got to go to the country pad. I must remember to keep the receipts for the transport first class, just to prove I've been there (or there abouts).

Lord Blagger

CCTV

It's time the government did something about CCTV. It's a disaster waiting to happen. I'm getting told off by the public that they hardly see me in the chamber. It's constantly empty when shown on TV. Not only that but people are noticing that Lords are having an afternoon snooze after that long lunch and bottle of red wine from the cellars. It's the standard medical advice nowadays. So its got to go.

After CCTV is for the plebs not for the likes of us.

Lord Blagger

Byers and co

They've been very naughty. They've been caught. Very silly because they were jumping the gun. If they had just waited until they were sitting on the benches next to yours truely, they couldn't have been caught. In the Lords we've managed to avoid implementing any of these annoying little rules. Rules are for little people like MPs. They are there to protect them from the consequences of the electorate finding out about the scams, and getting booted out by the electorate.

With no electorate to worry about, in the Lords we are above such considerations.

Lord Blagger.

Byers

It's time everyone signed the petition to remove Byers from the privy council.

Sign here

After all, we can't have the plebs from the commons saying that Lords might have been accepting money to change legislation.

Likewise I need to have a word with Lord Adonis. I mean, imagine saying the accusations haven't been substantiated.

They must be a lie, mustn't they?

A Lord would never admit to beating their wife or accepting cash to change legistlation

Lord Blagger.

Cash for the law.

Lord Blagger has been reading the Sunday papers. It seems some fellow troughers didn't take up on his offer of consultantcy on how to get away with it. They have fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the books. I made them an offer they couldn't refused. Pay me 5,000 pounds and I'll show them how to make lots of money safely from consultantcy deals with Lobby firms. After all when you have my little black book of all the naughty going ons in Lobby firms and newspapers, you're safe from things like this. All it took was a couple of phone calls from your's truly to a couple of journos, and bobs your uncle. They set up nice little scam as I suggest. Now they are bang to rights.

The best part of it all, is that I've up my consultancy fee for all the new clients, on the basis that they really need the advice to avoid the pit falls.